Now That Explains A Lot!

I paid a visit to the oncologist this week. I have been extremely fatigued and have continued having pain on my right rib cage side. The fatigue is what cancer survivors term ‘chemo fatigue’, which is a type of “tired” that I only ever felt while going through chemo a couple of years ago. It comes in waves, but hits hard and makes me feel like I must lay down and SLEEP right away. Just a total lack of energy by 10:30 a.m. and this after a full 9 hours of good sleep at night! The doctor ordered two tests. One, a blood test to check for anemia, and another, a PET scan to check and make sure cancer hasn’t spread anywhere. The blood work came back very evident that I have a B-12 deficiency. He prescribed mega doses of B-12 and told me that if I didn’t feel better in a couple of weeks we would start B-12 shots and see why my body isn’t absorbing B-12 through my diet. So this explains a lot!  Now I wait for the PET scan which is scheduled for 2 weeks from now.   I had a clear one of those in November, so I am not expecting them to find anything earth shattering.  Still, it will be nice to get another all clear from cancer!

I also had a pelvic/uterine ultrasound this week and am still waiting for those results. Something lit up on my MRI in February that was non-descript. The gyn. wanted me to wait a couple menstrual cycles before looking again via U.S. When I had the exam I told the tech about it and she said, “No ‘it’s’ still there. I see it”. Of course, she can’t tell me what it might be or what she thinks, so the radiologist is looking at the views and I hope to hear this week. I will admit I’m a bit curious. It is in the myometrium, the inner walls of the uterine muscle, not the lining. Any thoughts from anyone here who may have had this? I’ll just say symptoms in this “female” regard are “annoying”…no pain though. (The only reason we found this was in the hunt for what may be causing the pain on my right side, of which this isn’t even in the same vicinity!)

This has been a very eventful week in our family. Kelli, our youngest graduated Summa Cum Laude from high school, so now we are officially “Empty Nesters” once she leaves for college in 2 months.  We’ve also had a lot of visits with Tim to doctors and E.R.’s for his
3-week-long  shoulder/neck problems, which MRI finally revealed to be a herniated disc and subsequent pinched nerve and mobility problems with his left arm.  He is due to see a spinal surgeon this week at Bethesda Naval Medical Center in Maryland.  Father’s Day is next weekend, but currently, golf, tennis and kayaking (3 of his favorite activities) are out of the question!  I will keep you posted as to what happens next on Tim’s medical front. Please pray for Tim.

Another disappointment

 

Blood tests came back today. I did not test positive for the antigen necessary for me to participate in the San Antonio clinical trial breast cancer vaccine. I really had my hopes up  – why else would I have been led down this path? That remains to be seen now. If anything I guess it goes to show that as patients it is really up to us to know what is out there in the way of cutting edge research and available trials. The doctors certainly aren’t focused on doing that across the board. I just really am at a very down place right now in all of this. 

I am scheduled for a breast mri next Friday and then my oncologist would like to investigate further into why I am not getting relief from the pain in my side and wants to determine what that is.  He emphasised again today that he does not want to give up on that.  Personally, I am tested OUT, and scanned to the point of “glowing”. I’m not sure what more there could be but he has some ideas.  I told him I want to get past next week’s mri first.

After getting today’s news, I got in my car and turned on the radio and here is the song that was on. Thanks God.

Really?

Today I saw a gynocologist at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. She had been in practice over 30 years. She was sort of that cold, hardened, brash type, well, you can picture her. (I do not mean any disrespect at all to our fine women serving in the US military.) But, with 30 years under her belt, I figured I was in good hands.

She, without even doing an exam wanted to tell me I should have my ovaries shut down (this due more in part, I suspect to my breast cancer history being positive for hormone stimulation), and I explained that my oncologist and I have discussed that and that was not the reason for my visit today.

I explained the pain I have been having since August and that it is on my side (rib area) and near my navel, and that my oncologist was able to find it precisely when palpating near the navel, and that
it is intermittent, but persistent, daily, and spontaeneous. She did an exam and told me she believed that I may have adhesions of the uterus but that the chances of them causing problems now 16 years after my last c-section was pretty slim, and that if that is the cause of this pain they would have to take the whole uterus and ovary anyway. Wait, but didn’t she just say she didn’t think that was the cause of this pain? I think she just wants my ovary! Maybe she keeps them in a jar on her shelf or something. Strange! Oh yeah, and then she proceeded to tell me to stop all coffee and diet cokes for a month and that may be the cause of this. Huh? Then she said that the pain on my side might be “gas”. I said, “For 4 and a half MONTHS?” Really?

Never once did she palpate the area of my pain. Only the area of the uterus and ovary, which doesn’t hurt at all. My oncologist had suggested an abdominal AND pelvic mri but this gynocologist only put in for the pelvic stating that gyn is her specialty. So I now have a message in to my oncologist to ask him if he might spare me a trip and put in for the abdominal mri along with the pelvic mri which is scheudled for the 12th of January.

Round and round and round we go – where this stops, nobody knows!

Dead End

Today was my colonoscopy. This was after 2 straight days of not eating. Needless to stay I was a wee bit grumpy to start with. Up all night as the prep took affect, then fasting with no coffee this morning, but I made it and had looked so forward to having the answers I have desperately been seeking for 4 months. Why this pain in my abdomen? The nurse who started my IV got it going on the first try which was a first! Whew! Hard part down! I waited about 30 – 45 minutes and then they took me back to the room where they sedated me and performed the procedure. This is the same place I had my endoscopies in August and October recently, and according to them the same exact dosing of anesthetic drugs to sedate me. Well, that was a disaster today. I did not fall asleep, in fact I was relaxed and awake and screaming in pain for most all of the 27 minute procedure. At every turn in my colon I felt terrible pain. The doctor kept telling me it would almost be over, and for short periods the pain would pass but then he would have to make another turn. I just couldn’t believe it. I had never heard of this happening to anyone before. After I went back to recovery, the doctor came to speak with me and told me he didn’t find anything to explain the pain I have had for 4 months, nothing to biopsy, nor explanation for the pain during today’s events. He said that if I ever have to have this procedure done again he would recommend general anesthesia since he had given me the highest possible dose today and for some reason it did not do the trick. From what I understand, colonoscopies are not normally painful and so patients generally just dose off to sleep during them. So why so much pain in there? I hope to follow up with all of my questions tomorrow with my g.i. doctor and or oncologist. My g.i. doc was not the one to do today’s test, but maybe he has some ideas. I feel like I have reached a dead end in this pursuit and and I am very frustrated and exhausted from all of my searching and I am no closer to an answer. Only that when I searched on line I am NOT the only patient that this has ever happened to. It’s more common than I realized. I’m going to go eat some ice cream!

A Change Of Pace

I am in Missouri this week, babysitting my 2 year old nephew and 5 year old niece. Ten days of stepping back YEARS in my own life of 6 a.m.wakeup calls and bed time giggles and story time.

The joys of childhood’s innocence! There is nothing quite like that wide eyed wonder of falling leaves, spider webs, starry skies and making pancakes!

Today we spent the day at a working farm with barn animals, a place we use to take our own kids 15 years ago when we lived here. A dry, sunny Indian Summer day, and perfect for our picnic too!

I captured lots of great photo shots (even showed my niece how to get a great pose! She took this photo of me) – and we enjoyed a visit with grandpa and grandma in the afternoon.

Even though this is an exhausting pace,it is a wonderful change of pace, and one that I am thoroughly enjoying! Read more below…

Although I am on a bit of a working “vacation”, I am ALWAYS in the fight against breast cancer, and reading, researching, and collecting all of the information that I can.The month of October has no shortage of resources! Click on this link or directly on the video at the bottom of this page to listen to what Dr. Susan Love has to say about where we need to go now in our fight, and how the pink ribbon awareness campaigns of 25 years have worn out their welcome….what we need now is to END breast cancer.

Can I quit cancer?

I was asked tonight (by a woman I met), “So are you cancer free now?”  I’m sure a lot of people wonder that about those of us who have had cancer and the straight up answer is, I hope so!

“No evidence of disease, or NED, is the new ‘remission”.  But there is no cure for cancer and a certain percentage of cancers will recur, and nobody really knows if it will happen to them. Statistics get thrown around, charts and studies would conclude that the odds are in my favor of remaining NED, but there are no guarantees as we would all hope for. Such a guarantee  is just out of reach.  If it were, then I could stop thinking about it on a daily basis and we could all just leave Cancerland behind us.

I woke up the other day and thought to myself, what if I just didn’t talk about breast cancer anymore. What if I stopped going to support groups, stopped visit the oncologist, stopped hanging out with fellow survivors for coffee and lunch dates, WHAT IF I JUST QUIT CANCER?  Maybe THAT is what would get me to move further along up the road. I’ve learned of plenty of people who did just that. They never spoke of it again, and they went on in their lives and stopped identifying themselves as survivors. But then later in the week I was working the volunteer hotline and took a phone call from a woman who has stage 4 breast cancer which has spread to her bones.  She really needed someone. I found it hard to relate to a lot of what she is going through, but then we found the common bond of our faith, and it was there that I realized my BEING here in Cancer is for women like her. Women who need a ray of hope.   A hand of compassion.  There is a sisterhood here that few can understand. I know that when I was in my darkest hour I needed the survivors whom I met and became my friends. I needed the help of those who had gone before me and came out the other side, happy and healthy. I needed them like others need me now and so I guess I won’t be “quiting” cancer anytime soon.

Satisfied

“No change”.

This was the word I received from my oncologist in a phone call today. Last week’s CT scan of my right lung noted no changes (or growth) to the nodule seen in March, and they want to re-scan it again in 6 months. An enlarged lymph node was noted as well. I guess I am suppose to feel relieved….”satisfied”….but somehow I feel, well, in limbo.  Like I am waiting for a bomb to drop. They wouldn’t give me the “all clear”…And maybe this feeling comes from having been through cancer and having a bomb dropped on me once before, without warning, without symptoms, vulnerable and scared.  A post traumatic stress disorder, of sorts.  Always feeling like I must remain on guard. Always on watch. Terrified of it coming back again, terrified of it killing me.  I’ve probably read w-a-y too many stories and heard far too many unfavorable outcomes, and so it’s easy to let myself fear the worst, but then I must remind myself that all too often its not the good outcome stories we hear about or the stories of triumph and survival, and I know there are far more of those than not .  But for the time being I must be satisfied with this result and consider it as my doctor said, “good news”. 🙂  I am taking an oral anti-cancer drug now which is suppose to starve off any lingering cancer cells that might try to grow, and I take this drug for the next 5 years so I am doing everything within my power to stay cancer free.  That is all I can do.  “Give it up to God” what I can’t do, as my son says!  Besides, there’s nothing telling us this that this nodule is cancerous,  unless it starts to grow, and so that is what they keep checking.

This coming weekend that son, Keith, graduates from high school and leaves 2 days later to work at Young Life camp at US Army Camp Darby, Italy, on crew along with a couple hundred other staffers.  We are busy getting him packed up and ready to be away for a month.  Needless to say he is a wee bit excited!

Fathers Day orders poured in last week and I have been busily stamping up my projects and trying to stay afloat! This, plus making plans for Tim’s retirement and booking all of the details for our England/Ireland trip give me little time for fretting! Now to go to a cupcake!

Here is a great song about how I know one can get through trials of any kind. It is called “I Get On My Knees”. It’s called prayer…crying out to the heart of God…take a listen! If you can’t see the embed video, click here . “Cuz I’ve learned in laughter or in pain, how to SURVIVE! I get on my knees!”

_________________________________________><__________________________________________

If you wish to receive updates to this blog, simply subscribe at the link above my photo at the right top of this page. I try to update at least once a week. You may cancel at any time.

To view archived entries dating back to Sept. 2008, see the list at the right below the photos and links.

Update

The mri and ct scan came back yesterday. My cervical and thoracic spine have “multiple hemangiomas”. These are typically benign vascular tumors. Now I am waiting for my appointment with orthopedics to find out what we can do about it. Lots of waiting these days. Still no relief from the numbness in my back.

From what I am reading these can become large enough to cause compression fractures but can be shrunken using radiation. I really have to find out more when I talk to the doctor but the good news is that my oncologist isn’t concerned about a cancer of any kind at this point.  Radiology recommended a follow up ct scan in June to see if there are any changes on a nodule that showed up in my lung (which honestly may be absolutely nothing).

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Certifiably wonderful!

I spent last weekend at a 2-day training to become a certified counselor with Network Of Strength, a 24/7 peer support hotline for breast cancer patients and their loved ones.

I attended, along with 16 other women from around the country, and shared a hotel room with a woman whom I met at my oncology ward,  who was also in training.  Together we all learned how to help patients who call the hotline to discuss their most pressing issues and emotions while dealing with diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. I learned a lot about various aspects of the disease as well as resources that are available to patients.  I also learned a lot about the social prejudices that often keep wo(men) from seeking screening and treatment, and how to deal with people when they are at the end of their rope and want to end their lives.  It was an intense and packed-full weekend, but one that assured me that this is the direction my life needs to go as I seek to turn my cancer experience into something that helps other people. Network of Strength’s mission is this:

“…to ensure, through information, empowerment and peer support, that no one faces breast cancer alone.”

This week I took my online test and I passed! Starting Wednesday and Friday this week I will begin shadowing calls that come in through the 1-800 hotline, listening to my manager speak with people who call, and then reviewing various aspects of the conversations and what I have learned. Next week she will shadow me as I accept the calls. Within the next few weeks my computer and phone will then be wired to their hotline headquarters and I will begin to be scheduled with shifts to be covered throughout the week while I am at home.

This new position will force me to STAY home more, which I need to do in order to complete everything around the house and with  my business. I thought I would get a breather after the Christmas holiday rush, but things have picked up as much as they did in mid December!  The only way to ensure that I don’t get behind, is to commit to staying home more and filling the orders as they come in.

Good news is that I haven’t had any allergy outbreaks since beginning the daily Allegra last week, and the rest of my blood tests should be in by the end of this week.  Hopefully after the doctor reviews them all she can diagnose what the underlying cause of these are and what can be done to correct it. 

Tonight we have 2-6 inches of snow forecasted, this, following 5 inches we got over the weekend! I think 2010 is now making up for a lack of snowfall we haven’t had in the last 3 years!

The Numbers Don’t Lie!

This week I had a MUGA scan of my heart. This is a nuclear scan of the heart. Muga stands for Multiple-Gated Acquisition, a 40 minute test where the radioactive tracer injected into my bloodstream is tracked and followed by a gamma camera as I lay on a table with electrodes stuck to me and a machine records all of the activity. I began getting muga scans before starting my chemo therapy in December.  Things looked fantastic then, as I scored a 69 and was told that 55 would be optimal. Then I had another scan in March showing slight decrease in heart function at a scoring result of 65.  In July that number had gone down to 62.  That’s when I began to worry that the remaining 5 months of therapy were going to do more damage, and I’d better to something to get my heart back into shape if I could. That’s when I joined the gym and for the last 6 weeks have been exercising rigorously 3 – 4 times a week.  Tuesday’s scan showed a slight improvement and came in at 64, the ejection fraction which is an indicator of heart function.  It is no wonder! I feel great and I feel strong and am not tired all the time like I was earlier in the summer.  I will have another scan when chemo finishes after Christmas. What will a full 3 months of spin classes and treadmill do for me!? I can’t wait to find out!

What causes breast cancer? <—

The countdown begins!

I finished my 25th infusion of Herceptin yesterday and have just 5 more to go now before completion, just before Christmas. Then I will officially be done with one year of chemo therapy!  While at the hospital, I got to meet with my new oncologist.  This new doctor is actually the head of oncology at Walter Reed, and has agreed to take me on as his patient.  I had begun an oral chemo medication in May, designed to block the hormone receptors which feed breast cancer, but I developed a reaction to it in the form of daily hives. After meeting with the doctor yesterday, I am no longer taking the medication and he sees no reason for me to take anything else orally. Because chemo therapy put me into early menopause and I am no longer producing the volume of hormones that I was prior to my surgery, he feels that I am not susceptible to the hormones feeding any rogue cancer cells. He feels that with the chemo therapy and Herceptin which I have been given, I have every possible chance of remaining cancer free. This was very good news to me,  since the oral therapies given women after breast cancer carry with them some undesirable side effects and risky complications. My doctor believes this is mostly because the field of oncology just doesn’t know what else to do, and the fact that other than Herceptin, there have been no ground breaking breast cancer treatments in the last 30 years. We are still using surgery, chemo therapy, radiation and oral hormone blockers to fight recurrence. Despite all of this, women continue to get new breast cancers at epic proportions.  I am reading and researching what are believed to be the major causes of breast cancer and find it interesting that so much is directed at funding the pharmacuetical companies and their studies but NOT determining and fighting the causes, namely hormones.  That would put a lot of big name manufacturers out of business. Unfortunately beating cancer is very political and financial.

At any rate, I am feeling great and doing well, and look forward to celebrating  my one year survival point next month! In celebration, I bought myself a new kayak last week!  I loaded her up last weekend and went with a girlfriend out on the water Saturday! I call her MY SURVIVOR”SHIP“ ! Now, you may be wondering how I  got that 42 pound boat up there all by myself while Tim was out of town?  With much determination!  Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and I don’t let much stop me anymore…that is one positive outcome in my fighting cancer – I have a new-found strength within.  (In case you’re wondering, I bought Tim a matching kayak too.)  Now when our local marina closes for the season at the end of September, we can still get out on the water and explore the local rivers during peak fall foliage! The leaves are already beginning to fall here in Virginia!

I loved what a new friend had recorded on her home answering machine the other day.  After the usual message of “leave a message at the sound of the beep”, she reminded me of this:

The hand of God will not bring you to any trial where the grace of God will not protect you!

New Beginnings

Having cancer has taken many things from me beyond my control.  It has made me vulnerable and helpless at times.  Part of the fight in cancer is to regain something I CAN control, and decide what is right for me. 

I believe everything and every person God brings into my path, in this journey, is His divine intervention.  There are no mistakes with God!  A couple of months ago I met a dynamic woman through my kids’ high school.  She is an 18 month breast cancer survivor and a  shining example of strength and courage to me.  A powerhouse of energy and positive attitude,  I knew I immediately had to know her!  The more we talked about life beyond treatment, I learned from her and other survivors, that lifestyle changes must be made to remain cancer free.  No more free walk in the park, not exercising and eating whatever I wanted to! 

Every study I have read links diet and exercise to lower recurrences or development of all types of cancers.  Even though I have been fortunate to be able to maintian a healthy weight my whole life, and don’t struggle with high blood pressure or diabetes,  which run in my family, my greastest focus NOW is to never go through cancer treatment again.  Ever.  What better time than NOW to seize hold of something within my control while other issues are still out of reach for me (such as getting my hair to grow FASTER)!  I choose what to eat.  I choose where to spend my energies and I choose who I want to become. 

So today, along with my new friend,  bandana on my bald head, I tried a spin (cycling) class at the local gym and guess what?  The instructor is another breast cancer survivor, 8 months further ahead than me, and she has the same oncologist as I do! What are the odds of that?  As I sat on the bike at the back of the room, watching her at the front, with all her enthusiasm and zest for life, tears filled my eyes as I could see light at the end of this dark tunnel of treatment.  I saw that I can raise my head high and smile.  I saw that I can have the body I want to have, or at least one better than what I have now, and that strength will come through hard work.  I have never been one for sweat, in fact I hate exercising, not to mention PAIN!  This would be a very big step for me to take on a lifestyle change like this.  Even two or three times a week of walking around the block would be a huge milestone for me, especially if its hot outside!  But I have to start somewhere, and meeting these two women is like an ah-ha moment for me.  A motivation for change and a new beginning.  Like two angels leading the way, that God placed right in my path when I needed direction.

I’m sure I’ll be barely able to walk tomorrow when I wake up, but in time I hope to feel better and love the body God has given me, glad to be alive.

The Point Of Grace

If you, like me, have been brought to the depths, and if you have, then you know what I mean…a place where you can cry no more, and have no strength left within your being.  It is a dark place, a hard place and a place you never want to stay long.  If you have been there or are there now, then you are at The Point of Grace – the place where only God can lift you out.  I found myself there six months ago when a plan for treatment was not yet in place, and I find myself there now as I try to navigate a road to recovery that isn’t clear.  It’s as if I was placed in a blender and then poured out on the pavement and left to wander, trying to find myself again.  Where is my femininity? What is my purpose in all of this mess? How do I come to a point of acceptance when I am still so angry? Even my fingernails are peeling off now and are painful!

If you feel that way in your life, then you’ll hear these words to this song and know that there is hope and peace waiting for you.  You just have to let God find you there. No hiding from your reality. I heard this song while I was in California visiting my parents. I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks and they streamed like a cleansing river to my soul. Just when I thought I couldn’t cry any more…

Done With Chemo! Spring (hair) has Sprung!

Here I am (gypsy-look) at the end of the last chemo drip bag,  (hey! I got a window seat this day!) looking a little worn, a little swollen from two days of steroids, but finished with the major treatments now.  Even  with all of the anti-nausea drugs they give me orally and in my IV, I still walked out of there nauseated. It subsided after dinner until around 4 A.M.  Breakfast and more drugs helped.  My day was spent chatting with the ladies in the chair next to me.  The first, a hospital administrator named Joyce, who works in hospitality at Walter Reed, she herself now a breast cancer patient, stage 3.  She was so inspiring and so glowing and full of hope and love for God!  We exchanged information in hopes of connecting again – then DeWanda took her place and was in hematology, for severe anemia and an iron infusion.  As it turned out we live just 2 major streets over from one another! Small world!  It was nice to talk about our college kids, and about living in our suburb and other places we have traveled.  I’m glad when I find other patients to pass the time with me who like to chat.  Tim arrived mid afternoon from the metro he took from work, and stayed with me the final two or three hours.

Yesterday I notice that sprouts of hair are starting to already emerge! See?

There are quite a few gray sprouts in there as well, so it seems your scalp has a memory of what was there before! (If you zoom on the second photo)  🙂 It reminds me of freshly sprouted grasslings of spring! I hope in another month to have twice this much, but it will be many months before there’s enough to actually style.  You can see here that my brows have thinned but have held on enough to be pencilled in and luckily I still have lashes, though difficult sometimes to find to put mascara on.

You can see the bruising spots under my fingernails here, feel a bit tender still, the worst being on my middle finger where I wear my SURVIVOR ring and Pink Susan G. Komen ring – how appropriate!  If I can do this, I feel like I can do anything now and come out of it okay, and maybe even a better person, more filled with compassion and more aware of what life is really about.  Know what it means to fight and survive!  Today will be my “best day” this week so I have errands to run before the “crash” comes sometime tomororw, with nausea and fatigue. 

I don’t expect to post much in the next few days unless feeling up to it.  Thanks so much for meals and prayers you are sending over this way! They are so appreciated!  A sunny warm weekend is in the forecast, so hopefully I can at least get out on the porch and soak up some rays and breath in the fresh air while Tim mulches the yard!

The Big Day

Today’s the biopsy. (*Evening Update below) I thought this day would never come. I’m just glad it’s here and I’m ready. I really do feel mentally ready for whatever comes. We went to a couples Bible study last night for the first time in 10 years. One of the things my friend said to me is that God uses pain in our lives to reach others for Himself. I never thought of it that way, I guess. I always just thought of suffering and pain as the curse from the “fall” of mankind, and that it was just our lot in life to experience pain from time to time. That God would use it to produce long suffering or patience in us. He does those things too, but I realized that God has spoken to me through the hardships I’ve seen others face and it is through their faith I have become stronger. So whatever the outcome today, my prayer will be, God use me. Interestingly enough we are reading a book called “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper. I haven’t read the book yet, but I really like the title. When you get to my age (45 next month-yikes!) you start to realize that you’re half way there (okay, well, I sort of think of it that way since my grandparents lived to 87 and 91). One grandma is 96 and still alive so I might be blessed with a few extra years on this earth. At any rate, you start to get serious about really living life and not letting a day go by that you don’t do what you were placed here to do. Now I feel serious about discovering that purpose and living it out each and every day.

I hope to know something by the end of this week. I pray the answer comes quickly.

UPDATE* The biopsy went well. They got 5 good cross sections of the mass as well as aspirated a nearby complex cyst. Pain was minimal and soreness this afternoon tollerable. I have an appiontment for results scheduled next Monday. It’s gonna be a l-o-n-g week.

This song is by Matt Redman:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And Even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life,
I won’t turn back, I know You are near.

And I will fear no evil
For My God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, you never let go
Lord, you never let go of me.