Well, it has been 8 months since my surgery in October, and next week I will be going in for my reconstruction surgery. Tuesday, July 14th, I will be admitted to Walter Reed and should actually come home later that night. I have had an uncomfortable tissue expander buried beneath my chest wall muscle all these months, and now that my chemo treatments are finished and I am not as prone to infection, it is time for it to be replaced.
I spent the entire day at the hospital on Wednesday this week, first in the chemo ward for my infusion, then to meet with my surgeon and pre-op team including anesthesia. Going through the steps preparing for surgery again takes my thoughts back to last year and all of the horrible emotions I was going through then. I suppose that is why I can’t get very excited about this next step in my recovery, because it is associated with many bad, traumatic memories. I just want it to be over and sitting there in the surgeon’s office I just wished I could get up and run out of the room and never return. But this, like the last surgery, is something I must do, and hopefully the one good thing about it, in the end, is that I will be more comfortable. Expected recovery time is a couple of weeks to a few weeks. I have hesitated for months about elaborating here about what type of surgery I am having or have had (”T.M.I.” as my kids may call it! Too much information) but I think it is important that people realize just what breast cancer does to a woman and that it can have a profound affect on her body, her self-esteem, her identity, her relationship and her future. All nerves from her collar bone to her rig cage are severed when the breast tissue is removed. She will never have feeling in that skin again. These effects last a lifetime and don’t end once many years have passed. She may seem normal on the outside but psychologically she suffers a tremendous loss.
I am experiencing some tightening of the tendon that runs from my arm pit to the wrist, a result of several lymph nodes being removed last October for biopsy. I am now doing daily physical therapy exercises to hopefully loosen things up and prevent scar tissue from building. The tingling feeling in my hands and fingers is lessening, and my fingernails are looking healthier, although they are still coming away from the nail bed. After three rounds of anti-biotics the lesions on the back of my neck are healed. The side effects from my current therapy are a constant drippy nose for the entire duration of a year ( I carry Kleenex with me EVERYWHERE), and some fatigue the couple of days after treatment.
My hair is coming in s-l-o-w-l-y, more slowly than I would like. This is still by far one of the hardest aspects of this journey and one I can’t wait to put behind me. I still cannot bear the thought of going out the front door without a scarf or wig on. Even around the house I do not go all-natural since my dog doesn’t recognize me and follows me around everywhere as if I am a stranger, and to be quite honest it is a disturbing site to see yourself in the mirror that way! 1/4 inch per month seems to be the going pace of growth, so in another 6 months I may have enough to style. I am walking every day and trying to build up my heart strength and stamina. The infusion drug I am currently on causes heart damage, and I have had a 10% decrease in output function since starting therapy in December. Pray that this number will stabilize and that I can get through the next 5 months of treatments without further damage. Please click on the video link below! Enjoy!
‘Til next week..
Love,
Koryn
Breast Cancer Journey 7/10/09
I have created the video above as a photo journal of some of what has happened over the last 8 months.

Today was my visit to Walter Reed for another infusion and appointment to meet with an oncologist, Dr. Gallagher, who is the attending physician for the doctor I have been under since January. Tim and I met with him for over an hour with many questions that ranged from how long am I suppose to continue these infusions to what can expect my recurrence risk to be? My other doctor had recommended infusions through April 2010, but as I suspected that is not correct and I will be finished in mid December. Yeah! My other doctor had also recommended I have my port removed due to the clotting risks associated with the oral chemo therapy I will be going on for the next 5 years, and this doctor said I do not have to have the port removed. I was very relieved to hear that since I have another 9 infusions to go and would have otherwise had to have a new IV started each time. Chemo therapy has thrown me into premature menopause, “chemopause”, as they call it. Along with that comes some uncomfortable side effects like waking during the night with sweating, and hot flashes all hours of the day. We discussed some natural remedies I can take to alleviate that, thank goodness! So it was a positive day and I was happy to get a second opinion on some of the treatment recommendations. Prognosis is very good, and by following the plan of starving off cancer cells for the next 5 years, I have a 86% chance over ten years that I will remain cancer free.
With the end of toxic chemo treatments comes the aftermath of side effects. Yes, there are lasting side effects which are more bothersome than anything else. Every night my fingers go numb, like they are sleeping. Neuropathy is the technical term for it, and is a common side effect of chemo therapy drugs. I experienced just a little of it while under active treatment, but it was more of a tingling sensation then. Now it is really annoying and awakens me, like when your ankle or foot falls asleep if you sit on it too long. Once I am upright for a while it seems to go away, but even this morning it is continuing hours after I’ve awakened. One survivor told me she still has it 14 months later! So some nights I end up sleeping sitting up on the couch just to find feeling once again circulating down my arms. Let’s hope it is temporary! I don’t know if that has anything to do with the fingernails, but mine are hanging on for dear life and I have managed to fend off infection by keeping anti-bacterial ointment underneath the upper parts that have peeled away from the nail bed. Fortunately they aren’t hurting anymore. A fellow chemo friend developed MRSA infection with hers, so I took notice and began treating them at the first sign of infection, which was pretty gross (and scary)! If you don’t want to see them DON’T CLICK! Here is a 
Tim and I spent the afternoon out on the Occoquan River, kayaking and enjoying the peace and serenity of the outdoors, chasing blue heron birds, and just reflecting on where we are in life right now. All is good and getting better! We are always amazed that this little slice of Heaven is just 15 minutes from our house. And I am feeling so great right now physically, it was just nice to know that it can only go up from where we’ve been the last 8 months! I have done more physically in the last 4 days than I have in years! Cycling, walking and boating!
Part of the fight in cancer is to regain something I CAN control, and decide what is right for me.
Today is June 1st, 8 months since my breast cancer diagnosis. Sometimes it seems a lifetime ago and sometimes it seems like just yesterday. Some days I feel I have survived the worst of it and then some days I feel like I am still fighting. I have met many breast cancer patients and have found that some call themselves ’survivors’ from their date of diagnosis and some from the date of their surgery. I don’t know when I will call myself a true survivor. All I know is that I don’t feel like one just yet.
every 21 days.
It’s been more than a week since I last posted. I’ve been getting ready for my trip out to visit my family in California, and the day has arrived! I will be gone today through the 20th of May.
Hair is starting to fill in the bald spots on my head, though just grayish colored (ugh) chickadee “fuzz” right now. I am still sporting a wig when I leave the house, and a scarf or bandanna while staying at home. I don’t think there will be much swimming pool or beach activity for me this summer!
uprofen for the pain. Before, while on chemo, I wasn’t able to take it due to a low platelet count. So we’ll see how that works. I could opt to have the port removed and have them start a fresh IV for each infusion over the next 8 months. I’d rather not have to do that, so you can pray that the pain subsides!
The fight has just begun.
With major chemo treatments finished (just targeted gene therapy still ongoing), I find myself asking what next? LET IT GO – - SURRENDER YOUR HEART—LIBERATE YOUR DOUBTS—UNLEASH YOUR INTUITION—TAKE A RISK—DO THE THING YOU DIDNT THINK YOU COULD DO—MANIFEST COURAGE. This is why I like this <—art here so much (at left).
So here is the last of the $36,000 (6 x $6,000) in shots to keep me well during chemo therapy the last 4 months. Amazing,isn’t it? Thank goodness for military medical insurance! This medicine allows my own white blood cells to begin to rebuild in about 5 days from now, causing some bone pain in my lower back. I wouldn’t trade it, though, as it prevents me from the high susceptibility to infection and, even still, I have managed to get a few of those over my treatment course. Tim puts up with my whining as it stings going into the arm, but it is short lived and has no ill side effects. He’s such a good nurse!
Here I am (gypsy-look) at the end of the last chemo drip bag, (hey! I got a window seat this day!) looking a little worn, a little swollen from two days of steroids, but finished with the major treatments now. Even with all of the anti-nausea drugs they give me orally and in my IV, I still walked out of there nauseated. It subsided after dinner until around 4 A.M. Breakfast and more drugs helped. My day was spent chatting with the ladies in the chair next to me. The first, a hospital administrator named Joyce, who works in hospitality at Walter Reed, she herslef now a breast cancer patient, stage 3. She was so inspiring and so glowing and full of hope and love for God! We exchanged information in hopes of connecting again – then DeWanda took her place and was in hematology, for severe anemia and an iron infusion. As it turned out we live just 2 major streets over from one another! Small world! It was nice to talk about our college kids, and about living in our suburb and other places we have traveled. I’m glad when I find other patients to pass the time with me who like to chat. Tim arrived mid afternoon from the metro he took from work, and stayed with me the final two or three hours.
few gray sprouts in there as well, so it seems your scalp has a memory of what was there before! (If you zoom on the second photo)
actually style.
You can see here that my brows have thinned but have held on enough to be pencilled in and luckily I still have lashes, though difficult sometimes to find to put mascara on.
Hopeful. That is what I feel today as I look forward to my LAST and final chemo therapy session tomorrow. Four months ago this date seemed so far away, but here it is. Although I feel like I should be looking forward to it, I guess I do dread the upcoming week as I now know all too well what to expect. But I also know that in about two weeks I will start to feel like butterfly emerging new and full of life, and THAT I do look forward to!
8 days and counting down to my LAST chemo treatment! You’d think I would be jumping for joy, but instead I am crying at the drop of a hat. Emotion is at the edge of my eyes and tears flow like April showers. Sometimes at a simple thought, sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes I ask myself if I will really ever feel like cancer is “over”. Looming worry is always tip-toeing in my shadow. 8 more months of infusion treatments over the course of the next year, scans scheduled and follow ups…when can I call myself a survivor? Some say I should claim it NOW, but I still fee like I am in the fight.
Thanks for the flowers Kathy! They’re gorgeous!
My grandma Lottie passed away this weekend. Lottie was my last living grandparent, at age 97. She had such a rich and full life. A life with no regrets. I imagine in this photo she is walking with Jesus, finally in the presence of the One who meant most to her on this earth. I wonder what they will talk about? I wonder how many are in Heaven to greet her today because she pointed the way for them there? She lived her life to please only Christ, and nobody else. She left a shining example to me and my children that what we do in this life matters and God sees it all. A legacy I am grateful for.
Lottie Brown Covher 1912 – 2009
Passing the Lincoln (on left) and Washington (sticking up behind the trees) Monuments crossing the Memorial Bridge on my way to Walter Reed.



See Mr. Robn bird waiting for Spring along the Rock Creek? I almost missed him sitting there!





