Apparently I am! That’s what the dermatologist called to tell me today. The mole removed from my abdomen last week was determined to be Atypia, in other words, “pre-cancerous”, but the margins were clear. He wants me to be checked again in 4 months, 8 months, 12 months, then every year. (Thanks to my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather, both of whom had numerous skin cancer lesions). The mole itself was only the size of a small pearl, but quite dark. Now I am left with what is sure to be a nasty scar, about the size of a large pea, but seeing as I have no intentions of wearing a bikini anytime soon, it is well hidden! If you really must see it, click here.
I have an appointment with my oncologist next week since the pain on my right rib cage area has not improved in almost a year and I have had continued bouts of tender swelling in my groin on that side for over a year as well. I have numerous sharp, tender “jabs” under my rib cage and towards my back each and every day. At times it is a take-your-breath-away pain, but it is brief and so I deal with it. I’ve almost become accustom to it, so much so that I have stopped all pain medications because they make me too loopy and I guess I would say that the jabs are tolerable (as much as one can stand being “slugged” in their side every day)! I’ll wait to see what tricks Dr. G may have yet left in his bag. I’m imagining the standard blood work, another scan, and another, “we can’t find anything” result but it is what cancer survivors do. It is the drill for at least 5 years, and sometimes beyond. As much as I would like to let it go, and decide once and for all that this is nothing to worry about, the fact is that I do worry and I feel very strongly that it is not normal. Fortunately for me, neither does my doctor, and he is on a mission to find it.
Summer is officially underway and next week at this time we will be graduating our last high schooler and attending college orientation soon. This same daughter plans on auditioning for American Idol in Pittsburgh later this summer as well. She can only take one parent with her. We’ll be fighting over that assignment!
Six more days until the biopsy. This must be the worst part. The not knowing…the worrying. I feel shooting sensations in my breast. I have had them for the past several months but sort of ignored it and figured they would tell me at my annual if I needed to worry about that. It’s a constant reminder of what’s to come, although, even that I don’t really know what to expect WILL come. I think about all sort sof things. I think about what I will say if they tell me its benign. I think of what I’ll do if they tell me it’s not. I think of what I’ll tell my children and I think of what my breast will look like if they have to operate on it in any way. I think to myself that it is all very strange that I decided in April that I would not return to work this fall and, everyone seemed so puzzled as to why I would do that! After all, I loved my job! I wanted to stay home full time and build my business and clean my house, I told myself. And really, it was the truth! But now I wonder if God has something else in the works for me and He was opening my schedule to make room for it. I could let my mind get carried away with this thing and I am trying really hard not to. My gynecologist called last week so I could talk to her about my test results and she seemed very guarded in her answers and said that this shouild feinately be explored. She also said (twice) “You’ll be in my prayers”. Why would she say that? I found it very odd. Did she read something ominous in the report? I wish knew for sure. Well on a lighter note, isn’t this butterfly pretty? I took this photo this Labor Day weekend when my husband and I went away for the night and stopped by an orchard on our way home from Pennsylvania. It could be published in National Geographic, don’t ya think? This is a hobby I have long wanted to explore, photography, and with the purchase of a new fancy camera I am on my way!