Pressing on…

heartplant_tcToday is June 1st, 8 months since my breast cancer diagnosis.  Sometimes it seems a lifetime ago and sometimes it seems like just yesterday.  Some days I feel I have survived the worst of it and then some days I feel like I am still fighting.  I have met many breast cancer patients and have found that some call themselves ‘survivors’  from their date of diagnosis and some from the date of their surgery.  I don’t know when I will call myself a true survivor. All I know is that I don’t feel like one just yet.

Maybe that’s because I am still going through IV infusion treatment, spending the day in the chemo ward every 3 weeks, and maybe that’s because I still have very little hair at all, and my fingernails and toenails are rotting, bleeding, and falling off. ( Gross, I know, but that’s the raw truth.)  I escaped to a movie theater a few days ago and got engrossed in the show, forgetting  for three hours that I had breast cancer, only to go to the restroom after wards and find blood on my shirt from my bleeding fingernail.  I wrap band aids around them and try to keep them on.  “This part is taking too long”, I think to myself,  this part of regaining my body after chemo therapy.  And even the therapy I am getting now, though not as toxic as the last four and a half months, still causes me headaches and fatigue and I am scheduled for nuclear heart scans every 120 days to check for cardiomyopathy, a side effect to the drug Herceptin, which I get 324every 21 days.

(Tim and me, out to dinner last weekend, with his parents who came to visit from St.Louis)

On a lighter note, though, I was traveling back from California a couple of weeks ago and in the airport magazine/book store the clerk said to me, “I love your hair color! It is really nice with your brown eyes.”  I smiled and then leaned over to her and said, “I have a dirty little secret to tell you”…and then I told her about my wig and breast cancer.

I thought to myself, I could say “thank you” and go about my business, or I could put a face to breast cancer and let people know that it is not your great aunt’s disease anymore.  It is affecting more women than ever before, in staggering numbers and to people whom you never would have suspected.  Many celebrities have hidden it from the public until now.  The risk factors are becoming more widely advertised and discovered by scientists.

I don’t know what my life after breast cancer treatment will look like, but right now it includes a desire  to let people know that finding a cure, though a great hope for us all, is only one piece in a very larger puzzle of finding the cause.  The more I read, the more I see how our society and foods, and lifestyles play a big role. Now if I could only get myself to make some of the changes that will reduce my risk of recurrence such as daily exercise and eating a large diet of fresh fruits and vegetables! I’d better get off this computer now, and put on my walkin’ shoes!!

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4 thoughts on “Pressing on…

  1. Thank you, my friend, for continuing to share so honestly about this trial. We continue to pray for you daily.

    Much love, Cheryl

  2. Koryn,

    Was thinking of you and Tim today so I checked here for an update. You’ve been super strong and when you don’t feel that way know our prayers are there for you! Loved the picture of you and Tim with his parents.

    Mark

  3. We are praying for you! I’m glad you are out visiting in Cal! I hope you have an awesome time!! 🙂 Will you be anywhere near Sacramento?

  4. Good for you! I can just see you leaning over to tell the store clerk your “dirty little secret”. You are amazing and still in my prayers. Will see you soon.

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