The Depths

janelle-sunsetI haven’t posted in a few days.  It’s been a long week, well, actually more than a week now, since my last chemo treatment.  Today is the 9th day and I am still very weak. The doctor warned us these infusions would be cumulative, meaning, they add up and go longer, deeper, wider, heavier than the previous –  and he was right.

The nausea and back ache have been continuous, managed by medications (which make me very draggy so my doctor is putting me in for a different type which I can pick up today) , but this extreme fatiuged feeling – there is no pill  for, but “time”.  Passing the time.  And this week, that’s been lots of time.  The backache, I am told, is caused by bone marrow trying to rebuild blood cells and platelets, which are promoted by the shot I receive at home after each treatment. If not given this shot, my cell counts could drop too low and I could be at risk for infection or not be strong enough for the next dose of chemo.  So…I get the lesser of two evils – lucky me! I am having pain in my right rib cage which the doctor will have x-rayed when I am there Wednesday. It feels bruised, sore to the touch. No, I haven’t been having any boxing sessions lately!

In the meantime I watch my world go on all around me and try to step into it, but soon have to give up.  It is a defeating feeling.  I have always been much a Do-er.  Last night I was so tired at 9 o’clock, managed to stay up until nearly 10, and Tim said “Why are you so tired?”  I had to laugh and say, “Well,  I drove to the post office,, dropped my mail in the slot, I ate lunch and sat at a table and all of that just about did me in!”  Just that little effort took it outa me!  Nevermind all of the other things that need to be done and have to wait!  Fortunately it is now the weekend and we can all play catch up at home. 

Kelli woke us in the middle of the night with the flu.  She is home sick from school now and I am keeping my distance.  I can’t afford to get the flu on top of everyting else.  Tomorrow night is a benefit concert at her school for one of her fellow students  injured in a tragic car accident last month. Kelli is part of a singing quartet and does NOT want to miss it.   She keeps asking if she’ll be well enough to perform.  I hope so!   Prayers are appreciated!

I awaken today with the sun shining – a nice site to see during a gloomy winter season!  This sunset photo (above) was taken by my cousin in California -thanks Janelle!  It is a beautiful reminder to me that the sun comes back every day.  Even after a dark night.  I’m grateful we can count on at least that! 

…Weeping may endure for a night,

but Joy Comes in The Morning.

Psalm 30:5

My Life Is In Your Hands – VIDEO HERE or click arrow in the photo below

7 thoughts on “The Depths

  1. Please tell Tim that your body is busy fighting to get well and stay alive!!!!!!!Anything that you are able to do above and beyond that is just gravy. Your body doesn’t know or care that there is laundry, kids, bills, jewelry or anything to do out there. It’s called battling cancer, fighting cancer for a reason. I love you and wish I could be there to give you a hug and match your laundered socks. xoxo Di

  2. Big HUGS from over here in a rather grey London. We’re rooting for you, imagining those bad cells being banished from your body. Take care and make sure you take it easy.

  3. Koryn, Just checking in on you. Still praying for you! Keep up the good fight but remember to rest your mind a little too. I think you are an inspiration to many of us. Cindy in TX

  4. Ditto, Ditto, Koryn….I’m right there with you….just finished round 3, battling the aches and pains from the shot….
    praying for you too, my bc sister! I’m so thankful we have connected for this journey…..I have so appreciated your encouragement! Praying His grace will continue to be sufficient for you throughout this battle.
    Gretta 🙂

  5. Oh, the cumulative effect – it is a monster! Along with the bone pain – yuck! You are in my prayers and in a few more months you’ll look back and it won’t even seem real – just a bump in the road my oncologist says. I told her if this is a bump I would hate to see a pot hole! Thinking of you,

  6. Well, the good news is your half way through… and that means you only have to do this 3 more times. Being tired means the chemo is kicking in your system, which means it is kicking cancer in the rear!!! YAHHHH!!! Prayers for you to be feeling better soon!

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