New Image

1455987223_bcfe7f4e07 This is the saying on the wall of my oncologist’s office : BALD IS BEAUTIFUL.  I am trying to embrace it but it just isn’t working for me.  I was asked the other day if now that my hair has been gone a few weeks, am I getting use to it?  No, I said.  I will never get use to it and I just don’t like looking in the mirror at myself.  Perhaps STRENGTH is beautiful, or COURAGE is beautiful, but baldness, nope.  Baldness is the new “in” look for only one segment of our population and that would be MEN! It is a masculine “look”, if you ask me, and so I am having to redefine myself with things other than what I look like on the outside when I see myself  for who I truly am.  People try and comfort me with things like, it is only temporary, or it will grow back (yeah like 3  inches a year!)  Gee!  I can look like a Marine in about 6 months from now! Yippy!  Wigs all summer? Gonna be one hot summer. To top it off, my eyelashes and eyebrows are thinning this week.  This changes your appearance significantly. Trust me.  229863793_3dcde682ab Like a dandelion whose seeds have all but blown off, it no longer appears the same. Do I sound like I am having a pity party over this?  Maybe I am.  It is only now just beginning to set in all that I have lost and I am going through somewhat of a grieving process about it.  I’m told that is normal.  It is necessary before moving forward in a positive direction.  A direction that leads towards accceptance, but I have a hard time believing I will ever really accept this part.  According to the Kubler-Ross model, anger is the second of five stages of grieving.  Somewhere in there, before acceptance, comes depression – boy I hope I don’t have to go THERE! One comfort I find in all of this is that God loves me just the way I am.  He made me.  He knows my heart.  He has no opinions about my appearance.   He is spirit.  He sees my spirit.

Samuel 16:7 says:   “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance (even if that man is just myself) , but the LORD looks at the heart.”

He is renewing my inner image to be more in line with His image.  Compassionate, patient, joyful…I hope these radiate right through my bald head!

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5 thoughts on “New Image

  1. Everytime I see a woman with a scarf wrapped around her bald head, I see a strong powerful lady. I embrace the energy she gives off, because she is a fighter. Their is a serenity about her aura, that lights up the room.
    Perhaps it is her spirit that shines brightly, but it is an energy that is unmatched to this day.

  2. YOU are beautiful with or without hair! God’s love and strength shines through you every day and gives courage to those whose lives you touch, whether you are aware of it or not. Most of us will never look like those supermodels in the magazine, but in Tim’s eyes and your friend’s eyes and those who really know you, you are more beautiful than they will ever be.

  3. Ashley said God thinks you’re beautiful.
    I’m crying as I read this out loud to the girls. I so relate to the whole hair identity. Ernie just doesn’t get it. I guess he sees me as God sees us; from the inside out. 🙂
    I love you. I’ll love you as a Marine. I’ll love you as a dandelion.
    Sami has fake eye lashes from dance. Do you want me to mail them to you? Do you care that they have rhinestones on the tips? 🙂 ha ha ha ha ha
    Hang in there good and faithful servant. Love, Di

  4. my eyelashes are really thinning too. i finally got over the hair thing, but the eye lashes are throwing me all over again.

    i will be SO upset if my eyebrows go too. ugh.

    i know what you’re saying girlfriend. it is NOT easy.

    on a happier note, my underhair of my own hair shipped today. i splurged on 2 day shipping so i’ll have it thursday. trying to get an appt to have it styled. yeah!

    talk soon!
    lisa

  5. I have decided to replace any potential depression with laughter. Let’s pray that we both laugh through this! Lots of hugs! Charlotte

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