This is the saying on the wall of my oncologist’s office : BALD IS BEAUTIFUL. I am trying to embrace it but it just isn’t working for me. I was asked the other day if now that my hair has been gone a few weeks, am I getting use to it? No, I said. I will never get use to it and I just don’t like looking in the mirror at myself. Perhaps STRENGTH is beautiful, or COURAGE is beautiful, but baldness, nope. Baldness is the new “in” look for only one segment of our population and that would be MEN! It is a masculine “look”, if you ask me, and so I am having to redefine myself with things other than what I look like on the outside when I see myself for who I truly am. People try and comfort me with things like, it is only temporary, or it will grow back (yeah like 3 inches a year!) Gee! I can look like a Marine in about 6 months from now! Yippy! Wigs all summer? Gonna be one hot summer. To top it off, my eyelashes and eyebrows are thinning this week. This changes your appearance significantly. Trust me. Like a dandelion whose seeds have all but blown off, it no longer appears the same. Do I sound like I am having a pity party over this? Maybe I am. It is only now just beginning to set in all that I have lost and I am going through somewhat of a grieving process about it. I’m told that is normal. It is necessary before moving forward in a positive direction. A direction that leads towards accceptance, but I have a hard time believing I will ever really accept this part. According to the Kubler-Ross model, anger is the second of five stages of grieving. Somewhere in there, before acceptance, comes depression – boy I hope I don’t have to go THERE! One comfort I find in all of this is that God loves me just the way I am. He made me. He knows my heart. He has no opinions about my appearance. He is spirit. He sees my spirit.
Samuel 16:7 says: “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance (even if that man is just myself) , but the LORD looks at the heart.”
He is renewing my inner image to be more in line with His image. Compassionate, patient, joyful…I hope these radiate right through my bald head!
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