Going Public

014This was my first full week wearing a wig.  I now realize what other women have told me about this phase of treatment, that wigs are not comfortable and you will soon decide to ditch the whole idea.  It is true!  Wigs are uncomfortable and pinch at the ears so much that after a few hours,  you are happy to fling it off your head and let out a big “AHHHHHHHH!”  Relief!  Most women I have talked to have said that around the house they go without anything.  I tried that and my dog barked at me! I didn’t like the person I saw walking past the mirror, either!  So I have opted for a hat around the house, and a wig with hat when going out.  I really only went to three public places this week and that was to church twice and to the kids’ concert at their high school.  It is very strange when you see people you know and the look on their face says it all.  It’s as if they’re not sure if you have lost your hair or not, and then they kind of do the double take, hmmmm, it certainly LOOKS real!  To me, it looks anything but natural, but my 15 year old daughter assures  me that it does and I feel a little less intimidated.   Maybe because it feels so NOT natural!  It’s like “going public” is a sneaky thing, fooling everyone around you that you have hair when you really don’t!  But I remind myself that these people, whoever they are,  probably don’t care very much and if they don’t know my story, they certainly haven’t even noticed! The kids have really helped me get through this period of time and I am so grateful!

You also don’t realize how much heat escapes through your head and so with the brutally cold days we have had here, I have had a hat on 24 hours a day, with or without the wig.  My favorite hairpiece is actually the one in this picture because it is a partial wig, meaning, there is no hair at the top.  It is a soft t-shirt fabric cap  and  a stretchy headband  with human hair attached at the back, thick enough to form a pony tail, and then thinner full length bangs attached at the front which I swoop behind the ears, and can wear without anything binding across the tips of the ears.  I can wear it like this, or in a ponytail that  goes through the back of a baseball cap opening, which is sporty looking.  It is so much more comfortable than a wig.  The wigs have their place and occasions to be worn, but on most days I will decide comfort over fashion.

This long weekend will be spent preparing for the next chemo round which is Wednesday this week.  I feel like I am getting ready to go on a very long ten day vacation from my family!  To the COUCH! ( I wish it were to the warm sunny beach somewhere in the Bahamas!) So I am doing things like making sure the laundry is caught up and the cupboards and refrigerator are stocked.  I also got my bloodwork done Saturday morning, as they have to make sure my white blood cell count is high enough to receive the chemo therapy in a few days.

We are asking for an army of prayers to go up Thursday and Friday for me, that I not experience the headaches that I did last time.  I am reading a book written by a breast cancer survivor, and she actually held the bags of chemo therapy drugs they handed to her so that she could verify the dosing and her name, etc.  and she closed her eyes right then and there and prayed over the drugs, that they be used for good and not for harm, and that their effects would not make her ill.  When she finished praying, her nurse standing next to her, as she did this, said “AMEN!” !

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the LORD, “Plans for welfare and not for evil,  to give you a future and a hope!”


3 thoughts on “Going Public

  1. I just laughed out loud at the dog barking 🙂 !!! I had a dog that used to bark and go crazy whenever I sang 🙂

    We are and will be praying for you!!!!

    P.S. — your wigs look fantastic on you. I thought you looked so beautiful at home group the other night. They do look natural, no matter how unnatural you feel 🙂

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