Today I find myself fighting feelings of fear, vulnerability, doubt, confusion. I guess it’s all part of this road, but I know I shouldn’t fear, and yet I DO! And so I have no place to turn except to prayer, and finding that place within where I know I can draw upon strength I’ve found before, at times when I’ve discovered God was faithful, and when He’s been present. This road has so many twists and turns, and nobody has ever been down the exact same path, so that’s the hard part. No one can say “This is exactly how it’s going to go for you, here’s what comes next.” Because every patient’s situation is unique. Not even doctors can predict how I’ll respond to this or that, or what will happen. So the unknown is scary.
All I know is that some days I’m just a big wimp. Sometimes that shows up as anger or sometimes as isolation, and I can’t even explain to myself what I’m feeling. But today, I’m puttin’ on my gloves and fighting back at that enemy who wants to pull me down. Inside I may not feel a “fighter”, but I’m diggin’ deep to find her!
Thursday, this week is my Oncology (chemo treatment) consultation at Walter Reed Army Medical Center and Dec. 4th is a second opinion Oncology consultation at Bethesda National Naval Medical Center in Maryland. They are both equal distance from the house.