Bad News

My husband and I met with the surgeon today.  The look on his face when he called us back to his office said it all.  He was stunned,  Shocked,  Taken back.  Completely.  Cancer…he never saw it coming.

Neither did we.

I still feel like I’ve been spun around and can’t get my head straight to wrap it around those words yet.  For an hour and a half he explained that during surgery he removed what he knew to be the fibroadenoma, but that he also took about an inch all the way around it on all sides, fresh plain old breast tissue….he sealed me up completely hopeful, and then got the news 2 days ago from pathology…Invasive Ductal Carcinoma…What a fluke, huh?  He wasn’t even going in there looking for it. 

As he spoke to us, my stomach felt tighter and tighter like I was going to throw up.  My head kept wandering off with its thoughts…something like, I can’t believe he is sitting right here with me and Tim, telling me this right now!  I wish I were on a tropical island right now!  I feel like I am in science class.  Then he began writing it all down in steps we take next…surgery…probably in the next few weeks, either partial or total right mastectomy, my choice.  At that time, lymph node testing, followed with radiation, then chemo therapy  treatments…all at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington D.C. which is over an hour from our home…and I am sitting there thinking to myself, who is going to walk my dog?  Crazy, I know.  I just couldn’t deal with this news all at once.  It hasn’t even really sunk in yet. 

The day after tomorrow, Friday, my husband and I will meet with a complete oncology team at the hospital, nuclear medicine, radiology and surgical.  Together we will come up with a plan of attack.  Scheduling breast MRI, genetic testing, etc…I will have a lot more answers after that and will update this blog as I know more.  I just ask for your prayers right now, for peace, for comfort, for wisdom as to what to do next, for a good laugh and a good cry (those always help!)  Oh, and also  that my kids won’t be frightened by it all.  My daughter is 15.  My sons are 17, 18 and 20.  I want them to know that prognosis is fabulous, as the doctor said.  But I want to keep it real…this aint gonna be fun for none of us!!

I can’t help but realize the many blessings God laid out before me as He knew this journey faced me today.  So many ways His hand is in the details….like my mom and dad just retired in July.  Mom is now free to come out to help me.  I don’t have to get up and go to a job every day…I am free to take on whatever He has for me….We have a vast network of friends and church family to lean on, many loving friends who are there to do whatever we need.  I feel very lucky.  He’s also placed a couple of breast cancer fighters into my life via the internet, who are newly diagnosed, but know a whole lot more than I do and whom I can ask questions of or just lean on for support.  It’s a tangled web of information…knowing someone else who’s been there is very comforting to me.

I appreciate all of your prayers and loving cards and e-mails.  Thank you.

I’ll definatley be in touch soon!

Love, Koryn

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