Archive | September 2008

What They Didn’t Tell Me…

Yesterday I had gone to pick up a prescription for my daughter at our clinic.  The pharmacy had a long wait, so I decided that while I was there I would request a copy of my radiology tests from August 19.  After all, I had never actually looked at them myself, only at the letter sent to me by the department.  Not the radiologists exact word, or findings.  The nurse apologized that it had printed out every single test I had in the last 2 years, but I told her that was okay, and I had a long time to wait and read anyways.  I flipped back about 17 months to when I had first had my right breast ultrasounded for a nodule I felt (and still feel) on the side.   That, they said, was not detected on the images.  “However”, it said, “an incidental mass was seen behind the aeroela on the right breast.” WHAT?  Nothing was EVER said to me at the exam or afterwards and no letter was ever sent to me….it was as if someone just overlooked that and put my file away to be forgotten…until now…17 months later.  Had I known then that those comments were in there, I probably would have questioned it and pursued finding out what this  was at that early stage.  Now it is a quarter size mass behind the aereola on that breast and I am furious and yet have nobody to be angry with.  I guess it’s like many people are telling me, TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR OWN HEALTH CARE.  If you get a test, ask to see the written results for yourself.  You are entitled to them.  Don’t hope that they notify you of something concerning.  They might not.  They see a lot of patients.  They get a lot of paperwork.  It’s your test, your body, your decisions.  Three more days. 

Wouldn’t ya know I slipped on the stairs yestedrday carrying a large load of laundry and talking on the phone at the same time and boom!  I landed right on my right breast onto the wooden knobby top at the end of the bannister. OUCH! I guess I’m gonna be in pain Monday anyways so I might as well get use to it, right?

Well, another thing to take this off my mind came in the form of a phone call this evening…my best friend has been diagnosed with malignant melanoma.  The words hit like a brick, don’t they?  I just can’t believe it.  Nobody was expecting this one.  Not even her!  My concerns seem like a distant echo compared to those blaring words of confirmation for her.  Friends need each other at these times.  My thoughts have suddenly turned to someone other than myself , which is a good thing.  I am hopeful for her. 

‘Til then…

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The Wait

Six more days until the biopsy.  This must be the worst part.  The not knowing…the worrying.  I feel  shooting sensations in my breast.  I have had them for the past several months but sort of ignored it and figured they would tell me at my annual if I needed to worry about that.  It’s a constant reminder of what’s to come, although, even that I don’t really know what to expect WILL come.  I think about all sort sof things.  I think about what I will say if they tell me its benign.  I think of what I’ll do if they tell me it’s not.  I think of what I’ll tell my children and I think of what my breast will look like if they have to operate on it in any way.  I think to myself that it is all very strange that I decided in April that I would not return to work this fall and, everyone seemed so puzzled as to why I would do that!  After all, I loved my job!  I wanted to stay home full time and build my business and clean my house, I told myself.  And really, it was the truth!  But now I wonder if God has something else in the works for me and He was opening my schedule to make room for it. I could let my mind get carried away with this thing and I am trying really hard not to.  My gynecologist called last week so I could talk to her about my test results and she seemed very guarded in her answers and said that this shouild feinately be explored.  She also said (twice) “You’ll be in my prayers”.  Why would she say that?  I found it very odd.  Did she read something ominous in the report? I wish  knew for sure.  Well on a lighter note, isn’t this butterfly pretty?  I took this photo this Labor Day weekend when my husband and I went away for the night and stopped by an orchard on our way home from Pennsylvania.  It could be published in National Geographic, don’t ya think? This is a hobby I have long wanted to explore, photography, and with the purchase of a new fancy camera I am on my way!

Until next week…