The Wait

Six more days until the biopsy.  This must be the worst part.  The not knowing…the worrying.  I feel  shooting sensations in my breast.  I have had them for the past several months but sort of ignored it and figured they would tell me at my annual if I needed to worry about that.  It’s a constant reminder of what’s to come, although, even that I don’t really know what to expect WILL come.  I think about all sort sof things.  I think about what I will say if they tell me its benign.  I think of what I’ll do if they tell me it’s not.  I think of what I’ll tell my children and I think of what my breast will look like if they have to operate on it in any way.  I think to myself that it is all very strange that I decided in April that I would not return to work this fall and, everyone seemed so puzzled as to why I would do that!  After all, I loved my job!  I wanted to stay home full time and build my business and clean my house, I told myself.  And really, it was the truth!  But now I wonder if God has something else in the works for me and He was opening my schedule to make room for it. I could let my mind get carried away with this thing and I am trying really hard not to.  My gynecologist called last week so I could talk to her about my test results and she seemed very guarded in her answers and said that this shouild feinately be explored.  She also said (twice) “You’ll be in my prayers”.  Why would she say that?  I found it very odd.  Did she read something ominous in the report? I wish  knew for sure.  Well on a lighter note, isn’t this butterfly pretty?  I took this photo this Labor Day weekend when my husband and I went away for the night and stopped by an orchard on our way home from Pennsylvania.  It could be published in National Geographic, don’t ya think? This is a hobby I have long wanted to explore, photography, and with the purchase of a new fancy camera I am on my way!

Until next week…

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2 thoughts on “The Wait

  1. Hi-
    I dropped by today to see if you had an update. I couldn’t remember exactly when your biopsy is. Waiting is for sure the worst part and I had so many of the feelings that you are having. All I can say is I also had shooting pains with mine..sometimes almost to the point they were just terrible so that can’t always be used as any kind of sign one way or another. I did learn through this experience that now days doctors cannot say anything w/o proof!! I kept prodding my breast specialist for his thoughts both before and after the surgery and he could never tell me for sure. He said we would just have to wait on the microscope results. UGH! I also read into everything that he said. I would constantly ask my husband what he thought the doctor really meant by what he said. Anyway I have been praying for you. I know that when I was going through this it made me feel so comforted to know that there were a bunch of people praying for me specifically. Oh and I have a nice 6 inch incision around my aerola to show for it but I am so glad that it is gone.

    By the way the picture is gorgeous! I will check back soon. Hugs!

  2. The shooting pains freaked me out too…and why didn’t I bring it to my doctor’s attention earlier..why did i ignore them? They are less now with the chemo…but still there…my surgery will be either in oct or nov…then what is left? scars…less of me? More of me…a new me…a more real me…less like Cinderella I guess…does anyone live happily ever after, really?

    {{{hugs}}}
    Jodi

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